The Greenhouse Birth Center ~ Where families are born, gently.

Calder's Birth Story

by his mother

November 23, 2005

For me, I found the Greenhouse Birth Center community before I found natural birth. Or, should I say, I believed in natural birth before I experienced it. I gave birth to my first son at a local hospital under the care of a midwife. However, when it came to prenatal visits, testing and birth, the midwife present at my birth followed more of a medical model of care…much to my dismay. When I asked questions about pain relief, wanting to be informed, I was given elusive and vague answers. But, I really didn’t know what I was signing up for. This led to me making a poor choice during labor (transition) and having a shot of nubain when it was offered, which did nothing to ease the pain…instead, the pain was accentuated and exaggerated. When I was trying to push my baby out, I was told that I wasn’t pushing hard enough. When I said, “I’m pushing as hard as I can,” she replied, “You’re not pushing hard enough if you can still talk to me.” This not only disrupted me from focusing on my work of birthing my baby in that moment, but also left me with residual self-doubt. After the birth, I wondered if my body really knew what to do, since my midwife had been so clearly agitated.

After the birth of my first son, Grady, I began to attend the Mom’s gatherings at the birth center. There, I began learning more than I ever thought I would and my eyes were opened to a whole new way of thinking about my child. I tried things like co-sleeping, that (pre-child) I swore I would never do with my kids. Instead of swearing off extended breastfeeding, I began to be open to the idea of just seeing what my child needed and following my instincts. And, the more time I spent at the birth center and the more I learned, the more I knew that I would want to have my next baby there. For me, there just was no other option.

By the time I was 41 weeks pregnant my husband, Brian, and I couldn’t believe it since Grady had arrived five days “early”. After several bouts of regular contractions that never went anywhere, I was finally feeling some contractions that may in fact be “it”. It was at 7 pm on Tuesday, November 22 and I called my friend, Rayan, who was going to care of our firstborn son, Grady, while we were at the birth center. I told her that this may be it, but I wasn’t sure and I would keep her updated. She reminded me to make sure and eat dinner so I would have energy. It was exactly one week past my “due date”; so at this point any contractions could turn out to be the ones that eventually produced a baby.

While my husband took care of our 2½ year-old, I went into the office and tried to do relaxing things. I answered some e-mail and played a little Mah Jong on the computer since the music that comes with it is rather soothing. After about an hour, I checked my bag that I was to take to the birth center to make sure it had everything I needed in it. Yep. Nothing to add.

I kept asking my husband if I should call Kip and Clarice, and he kept telling me he didn’t know. I was caught between the place of not wanting to bother them with a false alarm (they would have been very unhappy to hear this, as they had urged me to call if I needed anything) and not wanting to wait too long since second labors can sometimes be faster than first ones. At about 11:30pm, I finally felt as though it was indeed “real” labor since I had to stop what I was doing, lean on the table and breathe through the contractions as they came over me. I called Kip and as soon as she called me back, I answered, but had to ask her to hold so I could breathe through another contraction. She patiently waited as I did my breathing. We then debated whether I should come in or not. I told her of my fear that it wasn’t active labor and I didn’t want her to drive into the birth center if it wasn’t progressive labor. She calmly said, “Well, if it isn’t, it won’t be the first time. But, it sounds like you are.” It was all the reassurance I needed to agree and we decided to meet at the birth center in 45 minutes.

When I hung up, I asked Brian, my husband, to call Rayan and ask her to come over. She and her husband, Peter, came over to watch Grady and care for him while we were gone. It was the first night I had ever spent away from Grady since he was born and I was anxious about leaving him, but I knew he was in good hands and that I had to concentrate on the hard work I had ahead of me. It was such a relief knowing that he was being well taken care of.

When Rayan and Peter arrived, we gave quick instructions and I had the typed information ready for them regarding meals for Grady if necessary. I stopped here and there to bend over the dining room table and breathe through another contraction. We told them that we would be in touch and began to say goodnight and goodbye to Grady. He would’ve done fine without this formality, as he was ready to play with Rayan and Peter even though it was after 12 a.m. by now.

We got in to the car and as Brian began to drive towards the birth center, I was very uncomfortable. The contractions were more intense now and the closer we got to the birth center, the stronger they seemed to get. Riding in the car in the front seat was the worst position for laboring, and the railroad tracks on Okemos Rd did nothing but add to the intensity of the contractions I was feeling. My dear husband, trying to participate in the process, heard me start to moan, and as the peak of the contraction came, he asked, “Is it another one?” I looked at him incredulously, clearly (to me, anyway) not able to answer at that moment. Later, I appreciated his concern, but in the moment, I was flabbergasted.

Next I remember shuffling into the dim birth center and Kip’s arms wrapping around me. I immediately started complaining about the ride over and she told me that I should have been on my hands and knees in the backseat. Well, too late for that one. I was so thankful to hear the water running in the tub in the peach room and Sandra, the midwife apprentice, was there. Kip asked me if I wanted her to check me and I said that was fine. I wanted to know how much I was dilated.

It took a little while for her to check me, only because I was dilated to a mere two! I was so disappointed to hear this and thought I had brought everyone in for nothing…but it sure didn’t feel like nothing. Kip asked if we wanted to stay a little while and see what happens or go back home. I was very uncertain of what to do and Brian was more uncertain than me. The contractions felt strong and regular, and the baby was doing fine, but I hated to keep them there if it was all for nothing and it was too early in labor. Kip left Brian and I alone to discuss it for a few minutes and we looked at each other, dumbstruck. After a few minutes, Kip came back in and thankfully pointed out that we had Grady taken care of, so maybe we should stay and see what happens. We agreed, relieved she had made such a good point. Such wisdom was welcome at a time that we weren’t thinking exactly straight.

After a little while, I tried the birth ball and found I really didn’t like it. I was having the back spasms like I had had with Grady’s labor and it wasn’t helping to soothe them for me. I decided to try to lie down and rest and see where things went, since I was expecting the labor to take some time and it was after 1am by then…all that made me one very tired very pregnant lady. Brian laid down behind me and with every contraction came the back spasm, so Brian pressed on my back with counter pressure in just the right spot to give me some relief. We had a CD playing that I had made of some of my favorite instrumental music and that was soothing for me. I freed myself to vocalize, but tried to relax as best as I could between contractions, eventually almost falling asleep between each one, only to be awakened again by a contraction.

The labor seemed to be progressing to me, as each contraction felt stronger and more intense. After what seemed like a long time, (only an hour had gone by) Kip came in to see if I would mind if she checked me again. I didn’t mind, but was disappointed when she revealed there was not much change. How my body felt was not equal to what my cervix was telling us. I began to make intermittent trips to the bathroom at some point, feeling like I needed to make sure everything was empty, and I also began to shiver, though I didn’t consciously feel cold in the least. Sitting on the toilet was very comfortable for me, and I remembered I had spent quite a lot of time there throughout my labor with Grady as well.

Kip asked me if I was cold, and when I said no while my body shook and my teeth chattered, she put a robe around me anyway. As I went back and forth between the side lying on the bed with Brian behind me and visiting the bathroom, things were still feeling as though they were escalating. One more hour went by with me listening to my music, Brian behind me on the bed and short trips to the bathroom. At the end of that hour, about 3:15am, Kip came in to check me again. I didn’t mind, as I trusted her whole-heartedly. But again, my cervix was not dilated anywhere near to what I felt like the contractions were telling me. Frustrated, I went back to my routine and tried to go with the flow. What other choice did I have, after all?

Just a few minutes later, while lying on the bed, I began to feel the urge to push…and it was strong. I asked Brian to tell Kip I wanted to try the bathroom one more time and then get into the tub. He went to report my request while I shuffled to the bathroom. He came back into the bathroom to hold me as one giant contraction took a hold of me; it raised me off of the toilet and I tried to plead with Brian to press on my back, but could only get out something that sounded like “Aauunnhhh”. At that moment, Kip came in and asked to check me, and I think I managed to nod my head. She said I was dilated to seven. She ran out of the bathroom and called Clarice, who lived five minutes away, and said into the phone, “Seven and pushing!” Click. She was back into the bathroom to help me to the tub while Brian asked me if he should call Judith, who was going to take pictures of the birth. I think I nodded. Brian was trying to find her number and couldn’t and I somehow managed to tell him “It’s in my daytimer”. We thought we would have all sorts of time, so I had barely unpacked anything. He almost went out to the car, and thank goodness he didn't because he would have missed his baby being born. At 3:30 a.m., I got into the tub with Kip’s help and Sandra was taking pictures (I realized later). I tried to sit on my bottom in the tub, but there was too much pressure, so I ended up on my knees, holding onto the front of the tub. Kip was right there with me, waiting. Another contraction came and the pressure was immense. I pushed, my water broke and our baby was crowning. And there was the ring of fire. Kip said, “Did your water break?” When I said yes, she nodded and said knowingly, “You all make the same noise when your water breaks.” She then urged me to “reach down and feel your baby’s head.” I looked at her and said shakily, “I’m scared.” She looked at me and, in a gentle yet firm voice, reassured me, “That’s just the adrenaline. You’re okay. Reach down and touch your baby’s head.” I did reach down and touched our baby’s very soft, fuzzy head and it was amazing.

By this time, another contraction was occurring and Brian was back at the tub on my left side, having called Judith. As the contraction peaked, I pushed again and my baby’s head emerged. Instinct had completely taken over now and I pushed again to get my baby all the way out. As our baby fully entered the water, I scooped our water baby up in my arms and my husband exclaimed, “the baby!” (He would later relate that he couldn’t believe it happened so fast…he was expecting another few hours of labor at least, and he wasn’t alone on that.) A moment passed before Brian realized, “It’s a BOY!” We were all surprised since almost everyone but my Gramma had thought this baby would be a girl. I always thought that was the fun of keeping it a mystery.

As I sat in the tub holding our vernix-covered baby in my arms, all I could think about was how perfect he was…and that I did that. We made this little human, Brian and I. The umbilical cord continued to pulse, and someone (Kip or Sandra) put a hat and blanket on our baby to keep him warm. Then, I looked up and saw that Clarice was coming through the living room and kitchen teasing, “I’m going to have to have words with you later, young lady.” I was sorry that she had missed the birth, but was so glad she was there now.

Once the cord stopped pulsing, Brian cut the cord and Clarice got our baby dried off, wrapped up and warm. She gave our baby to Brian to hold while I sat back and rested in the tub for a few minutes. Kip looked at me and asked, “So, how do you feel?” And after a moment, I replied, “Astounded.” Kip answered, “That’s a good way to feel.” Once I had birthed the placenta and rested a bit, they helped me out of the tub and into the warm bed. There, we cuddled as a new family and our baby nursed for the first time. As I held my baby, I was overwhelmed with how much I loved him immediately. After a little while, Clarice did the newborn check to make sure he was healthy. And, he got his first “bath”, so to speak. When Clarice unwrapped him to check him over, meconium was all over him, so she gave him a good rinse under the sink faucet.

After he got swaddled and his little knit hat was on, we all cuddled in the bed again to wait for Judith to arrive. It was then that Clarice asked about a name, “Should I just put down Baby Boy, or did you decide on a name?” I looked at Brian because we had a short list, but disagreed on the final decision previous to the birth. Brian looked at me and said, “It’s Calder.” This was my first choice, so I looked at him uncertainly, “Are you sure?” Looking at our baby, he nodded, “He looks like a Calder.” I smiled and thanked my husband for that gift.

Judith arrived soon after with lentil soup and saw all three midwives at the kitchen table as she walked through to the peach room. She wondered why they were all in the kitchen when I was pushing out a baby. She was certainly surprised when she saw both Brian and I in bed with an already-born bundle wrapped up in my arms. She was happy to hold baby Calder while we rested in the bed.

Brian and Calder slept for a few hours while I stared at them and took pictures. I was so full of adrenaline, I couldn't sleep. I called Rayan to tell her our baby was born. I then proceeded to call several other good friends to share the news, though I did wait until it was normal morning hours to call. Shortly after, Rayan brought Grady to the birth center to meet his baby brother. I took my herbal bath with both boys and during that bath, two incredible things happened. One, Calder smiled at me, and two, Grady said for the first time, unprompted, “I love my baby.”

Because of my first birth experience, I never was completely sure that I could give birth naturally, but my feelings after having Calder were only empowering. I was so happy. Sore, but happy. When we left the birth center, we found that the first snow of the year had fallen and the soft, pure white layer mirrored my newfound astonishment of what my mind and body were truly capable of doing.


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Calder's Birth Story by his mother *November 23, 2005* For me, I found the Greenhouse Birth Center community before I found natural birth. Or, should I say, I believed in natural birth before I experienced it. I gave birth to my first son at a local hospital under the care of a midwife. However, when it came to prenatal visits, testing and birth, the midwife present at my birth followed more of a medical model of care…much to my dismay. When I asked questions about pain relief, wanting to be informed, I was given elusive and vague answers. But, I really didn’t know what I was signing up for. This led to me making a poor choice during labor (transition) and having a shot of nubain when it was offered, which did nothing to ease the pain…instead, the pain was accentuated and exaggerated. When I was trying to push my baby out, I was told that I wasn’t pushing hard enough. When I said, “I’m pushing as hard as I can,” she replied, “You’re not pushing hard enough if you can still talk to me.” This not only disrupted me from focusing on my work of birthing my baby in that moment, but also left me with residual self-doubt. After the birth, I wondered if my body really knew what to do, since my midwife had been so clearly agitated. After the birth of my first son, Grady, I began to attend the Mom’s gatherings at the birth center. There, I began learning more than I ever thought I would and my eyes were opened to a whole new way of thinking about my child. I tried things like co-sleeping, that (pre-child) I swore I would never do with my kids. Instead of swearing off extended breastfeeding, I began to be open to the idea of just seeing what my child needed and following my instincts. And, the more time I spent at the birth center and the more I learned, the more I knew that I would want to have my next baby there. For me, there just was no other option. By the time I was 41 weeks pregnant my husband, Brian, and I couldn’t believe it since Grady had arrived five days “early”. After several bouts of regular contractions that never went anywhere, I was finally feeling some contractions that may in fact be “it”. It was at 7 pm on Tuesday, November 22 and I called my friend, Rayan, who was going to care of our firstborn son, Grady, while we were at the birth center. I told her that this may be it, but I wasn’t sure and I would keep her updated. She reminded me to make sure and eat dinner so I would have energy. It was exactly one week past my “due date”; so at this point any contractions could turn out to be the ones that eventually produced a baby. While my husband took care of our 2½ year-old, I went into the office and tried to do relaxing things. I answered some e-mail and played a little Mah Jong on the computer since the music that comes with it is rather soothing. After about an hour, I checked my bag that I was to take to the birth center to make sure it had everything I needed in it. Yep. Nothing to add. I kept asking my husband if I should call Kip and Clarice, and he kept telling me he didn’t know. I was caught between the place of not wanting to bother them with a false alarm (they would have been very unhappy to hear this, as they had urged me to call if I needed anything) and not wanting to wait too long since second labors can sometimes be faster than first ones. At about 11:30pm, I finally felt as though it was indeed “real” labor since I had to stop what I was doing, lean on the table and breathe through the contractions as they came over me. I called Kip and as soon as she called me back, I answered, but had to ask her to hold so I could breathe through another contraction. She patiently waited as I did my breathing. We then debated whether I should come in or not. I told her of my fear that it wasn’t active labor and I didn’t want her to drive into the birth center if it wasn’t progressive labor. She calmly said, “Well, if it isn’t, it won’t be the first time. But, it sounds like you are.” It was all the reassurance I needed to agree and we decided to meet at the birth center in 45 minutes. When I hung up, I asked Brian, my husband, to call Rayan and ask her to come over. She and her husband, Peter, came over to watch Grady and care for him while we were gone. It was the first night I had ever spent away from Grady since he was born and I was anxious about leaving him, but I knew he was in good hands and that I had to concentrate on the hard work I had ahead of me. It was such a relief knowing that he was being well taken care of. When Rayan and Peter arrived, we gave quick instructions and I had the typed information ready for them regarding meals for Grady if necessary. I stopped here and there to bend over the dining room table and breathe through another contraction. We told them that we would be in touch and began to say goodnight and goodbye to Grady. He would’ve done fine without this formality, as he was ready to play with Rayan and Peter even though it was after 12 a.m. by now. We got in to the car and as Brian began to drive towards the birth center, I was very uncomfortable. The contractions were more intense now and the closer we got to the birth center, the stronger they seemed to get. Riding in the car in the front seat was the worst position for laboring, and the railroad tracks on Okemos Rd did nothing but add to the intensity of the contractions I was feeling. My dear husband, trying to participate in the process, heard me start to moan, and as the peak of the contraction came, he asked, “Is it another one?” I looked at him incredulously, clearly (to me, anyway) not able to answer at that moment. Later, I appreciated his concern, but in the moment, I was flabbergasted. Next I remember shuffling into the dim birth center and Kip’s arms wrapping around me. I immediately started complaining about the ride over and she told me that I should have been on my hands and knees in the backseat. Well, too late for that one. I was so thankful to hear the water running in the tub in the peach room and Sandra, the midwife apprentice, was there. Kip asked me if I wanted her to check me and I said that was fine. I wanted to know how much I was dilated. It took a little while for her to check me, only because I was dilated to a mere two! I was so disappointed to hear this and thought I had brought everyone in for nothing…but it sure didn’t feel like nothing. Kip asked if we wanted to stay a little while and see what happens or go back home. I was very uncertain of what to do and Brian was more uncertain than me. The contractions felt strong and regular, and the baby was doing fine, but I hated to keep them there if it was all for nothing and it was too early in labor. Kip left Brian and I alone to discuss it for a few minutes and we looked at each other, dumbstruck. After a few minutes, Kip came back in and thankfully pointed out that we had Grady taken care of, so maybe we should stay and see what happens. We agreed, relieved she had made such a good point. Such wisdom was welcome at a time that we weren’t thinking exactly straight. After a little while, I tried the birth ball and found I really didn’t like it. I was having the back spasms like I had had with Grady’s labor and it wasn’t helping to soothe them for me. I decided to try to lie down and rest and see where things went, since I was expecting the labor to take some time and it was after 1am by then…all that made me one very tired very pregnant lady. Brian laid down behind me and with every contraction came the back spasm, so Brian pressed on my back with counter pressure in just the right spot to give me some relief. We had a CD playing that I had made of some of my favorite instrumental music and that was soothing for me. I freed myself to vocalize, but tried to relax as best as I could between contractions, eventually almost falling asleep between each one, only to be awakened again by a contraction. The labor seemed to be progressing to me, as each contraction felt stronger and more intense. After what seemed like a long time, (only an hour had gone by) Kip came in to see if I would mind if she checked me again. I didn’t mind, but was disappointed when she revealed there was not much change. How my body felt was not equal to what my cervix was telling us. I began to make intermittent trips to the bathroom at some point, feeling like I needed to make sure everything was empty, and I also began to shiver, though I didn’t consciously feel cold in the least. Sitting on the toilet was very comfortable for me, and I remembered I had spent quite a lot of time there throughout my labor with Grady as well. Kip asked me if I was cold, and when I said no while my body shook and my teeth chattered, she put a robe around me anyway. As I went back and forth between the side lying on the bed with Brian behind me and visiting the bathroom, things were still feeling as though they were escalating. One more hour went by with me listening to my music, Brian behind me on the bed and short trips to the bathroom. At the end of that hour, about 3:15am, Kip came in to check me again. I didn’t mind, as I trusted her whole-heartedly. But again, my cervix was not dilated anywhere near to what I felt like the contractions were telling me. Frustrated, I went back to my routine and tried to go with the flow. What other choice did I have, after all? Just a few minutes later, while lying on the bed, I began to feel the urge to push…and it was strong. I asked Brian to tell Kip I wanted to try the bathroom one more time and then get into the tub. He went to report my request while I shuffled to the bathroom. He came back into the bathroom to hold me as one giant contraction took a hold of me; it raised me off of the toilet and I tried to plead with Brian to press on my back, but could only get out something that sounded like “Aauunnhhh”. At that moment, Kip came in and asked to check me, and I think I managed to nod my head. She said I was dilated to seven. She ran out of the bathroom and called Clarice, who lived five minutes away, and said into the phone, “Seven and pushing!” Click. She was back into the bathroom to help me to the tub while Brian asked me if he should call Judith, who was going to take pictures of the birth. I think I nodded. Brian was trying to find her number and couldn’t and I somehow managed to tell him “It’s in my daytimer”. We thought we would have all sorts of time, so I had barely unpacked anything. He almost went out to the car, and thank goodness he didn't because he would have missed his baby being born. At 3:30 a.m., I got into the tub with Kip’s help and Sandra was taking pictures (I realized later). I tried to sit on my bottom in the tub, but there was too much pressure, so I ended up on my knees, holding onto the front of the tub. Kip was right there with me, waiting. Another contraction came and the pressure was immense. I pushed, my water broke and our baby was crowning. And there was the ring of fire. Kip said, “Did your water break?” When I said yes, she nodded and said knowingly, “You all make the same noise when your water breaks.” She then urged me to “reach down and feel your baby’s head.” I looked at her and said shakily, “I’m scared.” She looked at me and, in a gentle yet firm voice, reassured me, “That’s just the adrenaline. You’re okay. Reach down and touch your baby’s head.” I did reach down and touched our baby’s very soft, fuzzy head and it was amazing. By this time, another contraction was occurring and Brian was back at the tub on my left side, having called Judith. As the contraction peaked, I pushed again and my baby’s head emerged. Instinct had completely taken over now and I pushed again to get my baby all the way out. As our baby fully entered the water, I scooped our water baby up in my arms and my husband exclaimed, “the baby!” (He would later relate that he couldn’t believe it happened so fast…he was expecting another few hours of labor at least, and he wasn’t alone on that.) A moment passed before Brian realized, “It’s a BOY!” We were all surprised since almost everyone but my Gramma had thought this baby would be a girl. I always thought that was the fun of keeping it a mystery. As I sat in the tub holding our vernix-covered baby in my arms, all I could think about was how perfect he was…and that I *did* that. We made this little human, Brian and I. The umbilical cord continued to pulse, and someone (Kip or Sandra) put a hat and blanket on our baby to keep him warm. Then, I looked up and saw that Clarice was coming through the living room and kitchen teasing, “I’m going to have to have words with you later, young lady.” I was sorry that she had missed the birth, but was so glad she was there now. Once the cord stopped pulsing, Brian cut the cord and Clarice got our baby dried off, wrapped up and warm. She gave our baby to Brian to hold while I sat back and rested in the tub for a few minutes. Kip looked at me and asked, “So, how do you feel?” And after a moment, I replied, “Astounded.” Kip answered, “That’s a good way to feel.” Once I had birthed the placenta and rested a bit, they helped me out of the tub and into the warm bed. There, we cuddled as a new family and our baby nursed for the first time. As I held my baby, I was overwhelmed with how much I loved him immediately. After a little while, Clarice did the newborn check to make sure he was healthy. And, he got his first “bath”, so to speak. When Clarice unwrapped him to check him over, meconium was all over him, so she gave him a good rinse under the sink faucet. After he got swaddled and his little knit hat was on, we all cuddled in the bed again to wait for Judith to arrive. It was then that Clarice asked about a name, “Should I just put down Baby Boy, or did you decide on a name?” I looked at Brian because we had a short list, but disagreed on the final decision previous to the birth. Brian looked at me and said, “It’s Calder.” This was my first choice, so I looked at him uncertainly, “Are you sure?” Looking at our baby, he nodded, “He looks like a Calder.” I smiled and thanked my husband for that gift. Judith arrived soon after with lentil soup and saw all three midwives at the kitchen table as she walked through to the peach room. She wondered why they were all in the kitchen when I was pushing out a baby. She was certainly surprised when she saw both Brian and I in bed with an already-born bundle wrapped up in my arms. She was happy to hold baby Calder while we rested in the bed. Brian and Calder slept for a few hours while I stared at them and took pictures. I was so full of adrenaline, I couldn't sleep. I called Rayan to tell her our baby was born. I then proceeded to call several other good friends to share the news, though I did wait until it was normal morning hours to call. Shortly after, Rayan brought Grady to the birth center to meet his baby brother. I took my herbal bath with both boys and during that bath, two incredible things happened. One, Calder smiled at me, and two, Grady said for the first time, unprompted, “I love my baby.” Because of my first birth experience, I never was completely sure that I could give birth naturally, but my feelings after having Calder were only empowering. I was so happy. Sore, but happy. When we left the birth center, we found that the first snow of the year had fallen and the soft, pure white layer mirrored my newfound astonishment of what my mind and body were truly capable of doing.
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