Hayden 05/30/2011

My dearest Hayden, to say you were a surprise to daddy and I when we found out you would be joining our family would be an understatement; however, we could not imagine our lives being complete without you in it. You are the final piece to our family puzzle. We knew we would probably have a third child some day, just not one short year after Jordan was born. But, everything happens for a reason and you are the best reason there could be! We love you, and Jake & Jordan more than life itself!

The day before you were born was a pretty typical day. I had just began my maternity leave at the office so daddy, Jake, Jordan and I ran some errands, came home for naps, and then daddy was planning on cleaning out the garage which I had been on him to do for weeks….maybe months. That evening a strong storm blew through our city and you know what they say, storms and holidays seem to bring new babies into the world. Well, that was the case in our family on that very stormy night!

Grandma and Grandpa had stopped by after a movie around 7pm and almost as soon as they left I began to feel some pressure in my lower abdominal area. I was not sure if this was labor as I had never had any toning contractions with any of my other pregnancies, nor with this one (I know, another reason why I am a lucky lady) and I wondered if that is what was happening now to get my body ready for this big impending event! Sure enough my contractions did not let up as time went on, and I told daddy that I was feeling something that might be labor so when he was finished cleaning the garage AND going to the grocery store it would probably be a good idea to get everything put together for our planned water homebirth just in case. Embarrassingly, I was really looking forward to watching the season finale of “The Real Housewives of Orange County” at 10pm (I do not know why I like that show but I do…it cannot be explained) so I decided that if I still felt like things were headed in the direction of real labor after the show I would call the midwives. However, as 10pm rolled around I realized the show was not on because of it being Memorial Day weekend, but the good news is your birth trumped my disappointment by about a million times. I remembered in the back of my head, Shelie, one of our midwives, telling me not to lollygag when I thought I was in labor and to call them because our family has proven to be very efficient with birth (what a compliment, huh?!). So, around 10:15pm I called the Greenhouse Birth Center to tell them I thought I was in labor as my contractions seemed to be 3 minutes apart and lasting about 45 seconds. At first I could not get through to the after hours answering service, but after a few more attempts it proved successful. Shelie called me back within 3 minutes and assured me that she and Clarice would be there soon. She asked me if I thought she had time to run to the GBC to pick up the doppler to listen to your heart rate and I said, “Yes, I think so” but she was not convinced so she said that Clarice would come straight over and she would stop to pick it up before heading to our house.

Right after that call I called Grandma and Grandpa to ask them to come back over in case Jake or Jordan woke up during the night because I was “feeling some pain” that might be labor. I was still not convinced (I know, what would it take?!) I was in true labor and was kind of nervous that we would get everything ready, including our midwives and parents at our house and then find out it was just toning contractions. Good news, though, that that would not end up being the case. While Daddy was at the grocery store I was trying to get Jordey to sleep by breastfeeding her and did not realize until later (when I could think more clearly) that breastfeeding her seemed to bring on my contractions harder because of nipple stimulation…duh! Finally, I laid her down and she fell asleep.

We had decided early on in this pregnancy that we really wanted to try a planned water homebirth with this being our last pregnancy. I did seem more calm and I liked walking around the house and bending over a countertop when I had a contraction. The height of the countertop was perfect. During labor with Jake and Jordan I was bent over Daddy’s lap while he was sitting in a rocking chair at the Greenhouse Birth Center and this time I knew I did not want to be that low to the ground.

Daddy was feverishly working on getting the birthing tub blown up and filled with water, all while he was still dirty from cleaning out the garage. Of course we ran out of hot water and he did not realize until it was too late that he should have taken a shower first. So, he enjoyed a freezing cold shower but he did get cleaned. Clarice arrived first and calmly “set up shop” in our bedroom. Shelie arrived about 30 minutes later. I asked Clarice if she thought this was the real deal (labor) because I felt different this time and did not have the urge to be loud (or scream as some may say) and she said not to worry because my contractions were steady and consistently 3 minutes apart and I seemed to be progressing nicely. I was eager to get checked but ambivalent about it too because I did not want her to say I was only 2 cms dilated. I also wanted to get into the birthing tub but did not want to get in too early since I did not want to get water logged and have to get out before the birth. So, I waited on both. Finally, I got into the tub when I felt like things were getting more intense and progressing, and Daddy got on the ground with me sitting on the outside gently rubbing my back. Finally, I asked Clarice to check me. While I waited and hoped she would say I was near an 8, 9 or a 10 she said all she could feel was “soft and squishy.” I was not sure what that meant at first and was disappointed there was not a number following her words, but she explained that the baby had not moved all the way down yet. I freaked out inside when she said this because I thought that meant I had quite a ways to go yet and things were definitely feeling more intense and I could not imagine having to feel like this for much longer. I started to shake because of my nervousness and confided in Daddy that I was scared because I was hoping to be further along. Clarice reassured me that it did not mean I would not progress quickly. Shelie was filling the birthing tub with warm pots of water to keep the temperature in the mid-90’s. Thirty minutes later I convinced myself that things were getting more intense and surely I had to be further along now so I asked Clarice (who was patiently knitting on our bed at this time) to check me again. Sure enough she did and said that she could not feel my cervix because I was fully dilated. I could hear Clarice and Shelie getting things around quickly telling me that, yes, we were going to have this baby very soon. I was sooo relieved! Somewhere in between those increasing contractions I actually felt like I dozed off to sleep for a minute and was quite surprised! The body is amazing!

Soon I began to moan but was still convinced that I was not going to scream like my other two labors. I asked Ryan to shut our bedroom door so that I would not wake up Jake and Jordan if I had to make noise. Soon I felt the urge to push and knew this was it. Clarice or Shelie gently told me to breathe in between contractions instead of just pushing to get this baby out. Right before my last push I felt and said, “I don’t want to do this! I can’t do this!” Everybody said I could and kept giving me encouragement. Now I remember that just before the baby comes out many people get to the point where they feel like they have hit a wall and cannot continue…I was definitely there. Plus, when you are at the end you also have to push and cannot control it, so deep down that was a tremendous relief because I knew I was there, too. Clarice reached down into the birthing tub and told me that the head was born and asked for my hand so I could touch your head. I, probably not so nicely, told her I did not want to feel the head to which she said okay. The midwives are very patient and conscientious not to tell women that you have to do anything in pregnancy or in labor which is one of the reasons they are so wonderful. And with one more push you were born and in my arms, which is where you have been most of the time since you have been born, my sweet angel. Again, it was magical to see your precious face and to realize Daddy & I helped create such a perfect little being. I got to hold you in my arms for the first hour you were born, and we just all starred at you in amazement. It was awesome! You were perfect (and still are). I looked to see whether you were a boy or a girl and I said, “I think that is a penis. It is a boy, right?” Everyone laughed and said yes with a smile! I had a feeling you were a boy most of my pregnancy, just like I felt when I was pregnant with Jake.

I knew I still needed to gently push out the placenta, which I was so done with before it even happened. But I was too wrapped up in telling you that I loved you and kissing you to be too bothered. Daddy kissed me and told me that I had done a good job and he was proud of me. Then he stared at you in amazement for a long time.

Eventually I got out of the tub and into bed with you and Daddy where we snuggled. We could not wait for you to meet your brother and sister in the morning, but we were not about to wake them up at 1am. You had a lot of vernix on your body, especially on your back, much more than I remember with Jake and Jordan, but the midwives assured us it was totally normal and although our estimated due time was June 8th your characteristics were perfect and you appeared to be right on time.

Grandma and Grandpa had fallen asleep on the couch during labor but soon came into the room to meet you once you were born. Even though we thought we may stick with another “J” first name we had been dabbling with the idea of trying some other names that we liked, thus we decided on Hayden Christopher (Christopher is also your Daddy’s middle name, as well as your paternal Great-Grandpa’s first name). While the adrenaline was definitely pumping I could tell I was tired so, no too much longer and we were all three tucked into bed together after saying good-bye to the midwives and Grandma & Grandpa.

In the morning the three of us woke up around 8am eagerly waiting to introduce you to your new siblings. Of course that morning Jordan slept in until 9am and Jake until 9:30am. By then we had some friends drop off breakfast to us, as well as, the Hermans came over for a visit. We have great videos of each one of your siblings seeing you and kissing you for the first time. It was awesome! Our family of 5 was complete and each day I realize more and more that I was meant to be a mom, and could not imagine my life without this type of love in it. You are absolutely precious and we love you uncontrollably more and more each day. Again, thank you for choosing us to be your parents. We will do our best to love and nurture you each and every day, and try not to cry too much when you graduate from preschool, high school and college, and get married but I must warn you emotional happy crying runs in Mommy’s family (especially with your maternal Grandpa Jim).

We love you sweet boy!