Rowan 04/09/2011

My little Rowan, where to start?

After your brother, Elijah, turned a year old I felt ready (impatient) to become pregnant again. I had enjoyed his pregnancy immensely and he had a wonderful birth at Greenhouse Birth Center (see Elijah’s birth story). Twelve hours after he was born, he started breathing too fast. The end result of this was spending our first two weeks as parents with him in Sparrow’s NICU, not getting to nurse him again until he was five days old, and getting to come home with him at 13 days old. In hindsight, he didn’t need to be there at all, but we were new to this and had NO idea what awaited us at the hospital. We both felt the scars on our hearts and longing for healing was a big reason I wanted to have another baby at GBC-to prove to myself I could have a baby and get to take him/her right home minus the emotional trauma. This wasn’t the only reason, but it was in the forefront of my mind.

I was very impatient for my body to start cooperating with my desires and the following months were hard for me emotionally and mentally. I found great support and understanding on GBC’s village community boards and was able to ask questions/vent frustrations on there. To our delight, I got a positive pregnancy test in early August.

Your brother is still nursing some and that was one of my first signs of pregnancy-it hurt! I thought maybe more teeth were coming in, but after a week of it hurting so bad I thought it must be something else. That, and I started feeling nauseous on and off throughout the day. All this before I could take a test. The test simply confirmed what I was suspecting.

Your pregnancy was normal and was similar to Elijah’s in some ways; quite different in others. My nausea was about the same, though it was about a week or two shorter in duration, but this time I had a toddler to watch and couldn’t sleep half the day away! Thankfully, your brother seemed to have some sympathy for me and, for the most part, would stay on the floor playing or we would read books together. I felt you move for the first time at about 15 weeks. This was very different as I hadn’t felt Elijah move until about 21-22 weeks. His placenta had been on the front of my uterus whereas your's was on the back. This also resulted in us literally seeing you move/squirm/kick/roll much more than we had with Elijah. There were times my belly seemed to dance around and held all three of us mesmerized. Your movements were different too: Elijah was always kicking around and, later on, loved to stretch out my right ribcage often. You kicked around some, but not nearly so much or so forcefully, and seemed more intent on trying to push yourself out through my uterine wall. I joked that Baby wanted to see if being born by osmosis was possible. The level of activity was the same though. At our ultrasound, we decided to keep your gender a surprise and I’m so glad that we did! The scan showed us a very healthy, active little baby but Elijah wasn’t too interested with what was on the screen. I received chiropractic care during your pregnancy and that helped so much with the lower back/sacrum/pelvic pain I’d had with your brother. Dr. Kyle and Dr. Rachel have become wonderful friends, as well as being fellow GBC alumni. Elijah loved coming with me to my appointments and you often squirmed/kicked while I lay on their pregnancy pillow getting “put back together”. Elijah has been adjusted three times (and loved it after the first time) and you will be having your first adjustment in a couple of days!

Despite wanting to be pregnant again so badly, lots of things were going on in our lives that took my attention away from you. We had expected to move from our apartment in October and didn’t move until early December. This meant we literally lived out of boxes (taking up half the living room) for about six weeks. Thank goodness for sidewalks and walking in a safe neighborhood! Daddy took a break from college and that ended up being extended a bit (he’s back now, starting his term a couple of weeks before you were born). Issues with family, bills, and a car accident in November when I was about 4.5 months pregnant all were added to the mix. The day after the accident your Grandma Debbie took me to GBC to have a listen to your heartbeat. We wanted to make sure you were okay too! Your heartbeat was good and strong and the ultrasound was in a couple of weeks. My prenatal appointments became sources of reassurance for me, but also where I could vent my stress over situations out of my control. Writing is also therapeutic for me and, when necessary, I’d write out the stressors in between my appointments. I also started getting nervous about being a mom of two. For whatever reason, my hang-up was on naptime. How was I going to get your brother down for a nap if you needed to nurse/were crying/needed me and, even if you weren’t, what do I do with you while I went through our nap routine (read, nurse, lay down and recite a poem)? I still had a couple of weeks to figure that out.

Towards the end, people would ask, “Aren’t you excited!?” To tell you the truth, I was fine having you where you were. You were much easier to take care of inside of me! I had you by my heart, but still had the one-on-one relationship with Elijah. I was fine with that! As my 3rd trimester was waning, I was getting very curious to see whether you were a boy or girl. See, this whole pregnancy I thought you felt like a girl like your brother felt like a boy to me, in utero. I really was fine with either gender, but comments people made re-affirmed my small inkling that you could be a female. Your daddy kept saying he’d love to have another boy, but a girl would be fine too. It was this thinking that helped me convince him to not find out your gender. I was obviously smaller in this pregnancy than with Elijah. I never got stretch marks (just some dots) and I could still tie my shoes and shave up until the very end! I only gained about 22lbs with you; with Elijah I gained 35lbs-40lbs. Sometimes it seemed like others were more excited than I was, but part of this was how draining it was taking care of a two year old while unpacking and being very pregnant, and the other part was that I was sick twice in the 3rd trimester. Having a stomach virus while having a baby kick your insides is not fun!

Ironically, I felt more anxious about your labor at about 31-32 weeks than at 37 weeks. I had some of the same fears to work through that I’d had when pregnant for Elijah, but this time I actually worked through them instead of pretending they weren’t there until the very end. I found some birth affirmations from the blog “Birth Without Fear”. Especially in the last weeks, I took to reading these, as well as GBC birth stories, most nights before bed. It helped me to have a few minutes to re-focus myself on your pregnancy. I knew having chiropractic care could shorten labor a bit, plus you being my second, but I was more anxious about what I couldn’t know: how would your labor be different from Elijah’s? I had a few labor dreams (which did next to nothing to reassure me) and I knew it wasn’t a guarantee that labor would be shorter-just a very good chance. I classify your brother’s labor as “just right”. It wasn’t overly long, but long enough for me to find a rhythm to it and to work with it. I slept through half of my early labor with him and the contractions were never painful to me. Noticeable, but manageable. Later on, they were intense and took all my focus, but still didn’t hurt me. Not until the last 20 minutes of pushing was there pain, yet most of that “pain” was simply the pressure that I couldn’t stand but had to! With this being my only experience, this is all I had to base my expectations on concerning your labor. I knew it’d be different, but I didn’t know how different! I became a little obsessed with reading the 2nd labor birth stories on GBC’s website and, for those siblings’ stories on there, comparing the two to get an idea what your labor may hold for me. As a side note to this, I never envied the women who had fast labors and told your daddy that I sure hoped yours wasn’t five hours-I thought that would be too quick and intense for me! I guess I expected/wanted it to be mostly like your brother’s labor, just with a shorter pushing stage. Ha!

I had two special “end of pregnancy” events that I did. One was a belly cast. We did one at 38.5 weeks but it didn’t turn out right. So, after getting more plaster, we did another one at 38 weeks 6 days and it turned out great! We weren’t able to do “professional” pregnancy pictures like we did before, so I was very happy to do this! The other event was a blessing ceremony when I was 39 weeks. I was very paranoid that you would come the week before and I wouldn’t be able to attend it! I even timed contractions for an hour one night to see how regular they were. They seemed a little too often, but were not regular and not getting stronger. I had a feeling you weren’t going to wait as long as Elijah did, but since he came at 41 weeks 6 days (by the pregnancy wheel) I just figured you’d come sometime before Easter. That’s all I told anybody: “By Easter” or “In April”. I was not going to get hung up on another EDD! The blessing was a wonderful time with other mothers/women that I think the world of: a great mix of family, church friends, and GBC friends that I’ve made over the last 2 years. Marcia put it on for me and we had fun planning it. Every woman brought a bead to make a labor necklace for me (two women who couldn’t come also gave me beads). They told me the significance of each bead and then shared stories/advice for surviving the first two weeks at home. Each woman was also given a “labor candle”. We put together a phone tree and, when they got the call I was in labor, they were to light the candle and have it burning until you had arrived. It was a nice, relaxing time that was very encouraging to me.

I started noticing “signs” the week before you were born that my time was coming near. Two days after the blessing (Tuesday) I started to feel lots of pressure-like I had a mini grapefruit to have to walk with/get up around in my pelvis. Starting mid-week, my body started cleaning itself out. I’d also had this a couple days before Elijah’s labor started. I took it as an omen that we would be meeting you soon! On Thursday, I had a prenatal appointment. Clarice commented that you were “right down in there”. I told her I’d wondered if you had dropped, based on the pressure and number of bathroom runs I was making. She said it sure felt like it to her. I was still envisioning being this uncomfortable for at least another week. The next day, I had an adjustment with Dr. Kyle at 6pm. I told her how uncomfortable I was and I “just want this baby out of me!” A few minutes later, after being adjusted, she told me my hips had been out of place, but in a completely different way. Instead of being up and forward, which I had been this whole pregnancy and is pretty common, my hips were rotated in opposite directions. She told me that, often, when she adjusts a woman who presents like I did, the next 24 hours tend to be “eventful”. I’m glad she gave me the warning! It did give me some anxiety but helped me to follow my instincts in the next few hours instead of putting off our last minute preparations. We went to a fish fry for dinner. It’s held at a catholic church in Mason during Lent. We were meeting a friend there and told him about Kyle’s comment. We had plans to get together at his apartment the next day, with a couple other friends, and felt he needed some fair warning. But even with that, I expected to start labor at his apartment (my parents were going to watch Elijah) and our meet time was at 3pm.

We came home for a minute and then intended to go to Meijer for our last minute stuff. Daddy was very tired and started doing other things besides getting ready to go out again. He was tired but I was getting frustrated. What if labor started during the night? We needed beads for me to string my labor necklace, drinks/snacks to finish out my labor bag, and the disposable pads to have on the bed after you had been born. Finally I said, “I’m going to the store. Are you driving me or am I driving myself?” (Daddy is very protective when I’m pregnant and, especially since the car accident, didn’t want me driving much for fear of another accident and how the steering wheel might hurt you). He, also not happy, got up and we grabbed Elijah and left. The Mason Meijer is being remodeled inside and, due to that, their bead section is gone! We got our other things, chatted with a couple employees we know, and headed back home. I found a necklace my sister had made for me years ago and it seemed like the beads on it, once it was deconstructed, would do nicely! Daddy and I put Elijah to bed and, once they both were asleep, I set to making my labor necklace. I started about 11:15pm and it took close to an hour to complete. The white beads I re-used are very small and were buggers to re-string. I simply could not go to bed until it was completed. After that, I read a couple of birth stories (Jordan’s and Lola’s). Both mothers were at my blessing and for some reason I felt that I needed to read their particular stories before bed. I got to bed about 12:30am (which Shelie had warned us not to do!).

At about 3:30am, I woke up to a “different” contraction-like a really strong toning contraction. I went to the bathroom and had a bit of clear mucus come out. I knew that sign (I had seen my bloody show the day before Elijah was born). I didn’t know if the new type of contraction would continue or not, but I knew if it did that I needed my sleep! I’d had a couple episodes of “strong Braxton-Hicks” contractions in the days before and wasn’t sure if this was more of the same or not. I think I got up one other time for the bathroom and had more of the mucus come out. At 7am, I got up again for the bathroom, had more mucus plus a “not fun” contraction that felt quite crampy, a bit painful, and low. I went back to bed and, whispering above Elijah’s head, tried to wake Daddy up to let him know. After a couple minutes, I got him to register the word “labor”. He heard that, opened his eyes, and whispered “What!?” I repeated “I think I’m in early labor.” We started making our plans for the morning, chiefly me telling him what/how I needed him to care for Elijah and get him ready so that I could concentrate on how this labor would go. While in bed, and on the toilet, the contractions kind of hurt, were very low, and felt like very strong cramps. I thought they hurt because I was sitting/laying down and couldn’t move at that exact moment. A little later, while downstairs and Daddy getting breakfast ready, I was starting the first round of “early labor” calls. By the time I called Grandma Debbie (after I’d already called GBC and Bethany Ritter, a friend to be with me during labor) it was 8:20am. At that point I was managing the contractions by moving/swaying with them. I was trying to keep track of them with Daddy’s newly acquired “Contraction Timer” app on his iPod. But, when I was doing that consistently, I thought I was doing it wrong. They couldn’t be five minutes apart, could they? Grandma Debbie and I talked about 15 minutes, I drank the smoothie I’d asked Daddy to make for my “labor breakfast” (which made me feel nauseous a little later), and then went upstairs to shower and get dressed. The hot water felt good on my sacrum and lower belly. I was having contractions in the shower but the water helped me through them. By the time I was dressed, it was about 9:15am. Daddy was talking with Grandma Peggy and talked about 15 minutes total. When I had got out of the shower, I called down to him to tell him to get himself and Eli in the shower so we could get going soon. Thinking we had “lots of time”, he somewhat ignored me and finished his conversation. He was trying to explain to her that we didn’t want anyone at GBC waiting while I was in labor and that slightly offended her. While they were in the shower, the contractions suddenly hurt more and I had to vocalize through a couple. The ones I had to moan through weren’t right in a row and I started thinking that maybe I didn’t remember Elijah’s labor as well as I had thought. Were the contractions this painful and I just hadn’t known better before? What was going on here? I felt like I could hardly keep “on top of things” a few times and was very thankful for the “less painful” contractions I had every so often. After I had vocalized through the second contraction, I poked my head into the bathroom (they had been in the shower less than 10 minutes) and told Daddy, “I’ve had to vocalize through a couple of contractions now. You need to hurry.” That had been my “signpost” that we needed to leave for GBC. They got out, Daddy dressed Elijah and got him ready, then proceeded to shave. I poked my head in again and said “What are you doing!?” He replied “I have to look good for my daughter.” He did shave quickly though. I called Grandma Debbie and said we were dropping off Elijah in the next few minutes. She had told me before that they’d be out to breakfast but she’d keep her cell phone on her. When I called this time, they hadn’t left for breakfast yet!

Daddy took Elijah out to the car and I followed, listening to my labor music on the ipod. I had to lean over the car’s hood for a contraction and wondered, briefly, if the neighbors in our townhouse complex were watching me. I waited to get into the car-I wanted to make sure Daddy had grabbed everything. Then I got in the car but didn’t want to sit down. I got on my knees on the floor and had another contraction leaning on the seat. Daddy insisted that he wasn’t driving until I was sitting and buckled in. Thankfully, we live 1 mile from my parents and made it to their house before the next contraction. We arrived at 10:30am. This one I had outside, while Daddy took Eli into the garage to meet Grandma Debbie. Again, I used the car’s hood, swaying, and moaning. I went into the garage to chat with her a minute and she explained plans to take Elijah to breakfast with them and then come back to the house. She saw me have one or two contractions. She tried to be encouraging by saying, “Remember, your body was made to do this!” However, Daddy said that while I was having the contraction she looked tense and a little scared. She never saw me during Elijah’s labor, so I think she wasn’t sure how to expect me to act.

We got back in the car at about 10:40am and, intending to go to GBC (instead of to church first, for a minute, to pick up my last bead for my necklace) Daddy called and left a message with the answering service. Clarice called back and asked to talk to me. When I told her our plans she said “Sweetie, you have to give me time to get there. I’m still at home and need to get dressed.” I said we were thinking of stopping by our church for a minute and would do that, giving her some extra time to get there. I had 2 contractions during this drive of about 10-15 minutes. I couldn’t move with them, and they hurt so much! I put all my energy into vocalizing and, with the second one, Daddy said it made him want to cry to listen to me. I guess I sounded different than I had with Elijah. I was really experiencing pain this time and it must’ve come out through my sounds. In between the contractions, I fully relaxed and almost fell asleep. As we pulled off the road and into the parking lot, another contraction started. Daddy stopped the car right there so I could jump out. He came around the car and let me hang off him in the same way I did during Elijah’s labor. The car hood wasn’t helping anymore! We jumped back into the car to drive up to the church building.

During the last contraction, I had felt like I almost peed my pants. Thinking maybe that's why they hurt so bad, I rushed to the bathroom and passed a couple friends coming out. There was a women’s craft day going on plus music practice for church the next day plus (I think) dance practice going on for Easter! One of the women asked if I was in labor and I said “Yep!” as I rushed into a stall. I felt so much better after emptying my bladder, but then had a contraction before I could get up! Once it was over (with me moaning loudly through it) one of the women asked from her stall if I was okay. I said, “Yeah, just having a contraction.” I came out and, at the same time, Bethany came out from the gym! She was still there! Chad had planned to call her when we arrived at GBC. She joked, “You could’ve just called me. You didn’t have to come pick me up.” I had a contraction and had to lean over a counter. The pastor’s wife, Donna, was there and rubbed my back through it. She also was asking if I wanted her to help me count my breaths/help with breathing. I was breathing, just also moaning with it. I was unable to tell her I didn’t know about “counting breaths” and just waved my hand at her. A few other women had come out from the craft day to come chat. One is currently pregnant with her third and has never seen a natural birth or a woman in the middle of having one. I kind of scared her! After that second one, Donna said that it had only been a minute or two since the previous one and maybe we should get going. Bethany was calling her husband to let him know she was going with us and I kind of wanted to chat. But, the contractions kept interrupting me! I had two more, hanging off of Daddy, and with the last one I felt some pressure in my butt. I went to the bathroom one more time, didn’t need to pee, and off we went. I had one more contraction outside before getting in the car and told Daddy to “hurry!” We left church at about 11:15am.

We got to GBC at 11:25am. Clarice was holding the birth center door open for us, but I had to wait in the car until a contraction ended. While walking up to her I intended to say hi, but instead grabbed her and moaned my way through another one, almost crying because this was ridiculous! I made it to the kitchen and had another contraction over the table. All of these were very painful and I just wanted them to stop! We got into the green room where the tub was over half full (and I was still planning on using it!) and candles were lit. I took the iPod off, and while having another contraction hanging off of Daddy, Clarice checked your heartbeat. It was in the 130’s. I told her I thought I felt you move down. She said, based on where the heartbeat was, you were moving down. I wanted to go to the bathroom (thinking I might poop in the tub and not wanting to!) and asked Daddy to bring me my nursing tank top to wear in the tub. I was on the toilet and began ripping my clothes off to quickly change! I started having another contraction as I was taking off my labor necklace. Thankfully, my clothes were right there to throw it on. I started moaning through it. I felt more pressure and was thinking over and over, “I’m not ready for this!!” I said that outloud once; I was scared because I knew I was beginning to push already, couldn’t control it, and didn’t have the endorphins for a pain buffer! Daddy heard me say that and came into the bathroom right away. I grabbed his shirt and continued moaning quite loudly. He made me look him in the eyes (I was shaking from the adrenaline and being afraid of everything going so fast) and he told me, “You can do this!!” He said he could see a change in my expression from him saying that--something akin to going from wide-eyed fear to determined birth warrior--and was amazed at the power those few words seemed to have. The contraction ended with a catch in my voice, somewhat like a grunt. Clarice came at about a run and had her hand between my legs, just in case you came right that moment! She was still the only midwife there and asked Bethany to get her the blankets and the cake pan of birth supplies that she would need very shortly! Another contraction started and my body was pushing--my moan turned into a scream. I remember seeing a little spurt of fluid between my legs and said that I thought it had been my water bag. I remember thinking, “That wasn’t very much. Shouldn’t there be more?” I literally felt you come down my birth canal and, all within one push, your head came down, crowned, was born and you started to try to cry. To do this, I’d grabbed onto Daddy’s belt and was pulling down. He was rubbing my back (he later said he was doing that because he didn’t know what else to do for me!). I stood up when I felt you moving through me and my legs were shaking horribly. I don’t remember it, but Daddy said it seemed like I almost fell down a couple times, because the shaking was so bad, so he was supporting me by literally holding me up by my hips. My bottom half was standing, but I was bent over because I was still hanging on to his belt/pants/shirt and didn’t have the presence of mind to let go and stand up all the way. When your head was born, part of me wanted to continue pushing after the contraction was done. I had done that with Elijah’s birth and believe that was part of the reason I tore with him. Clarice reminded me to breathe and I was taking very deep, very rapid breaths to try to keep from pushing. I remember taking at least three breaths like that, but it was probably a few more before my body pushed again. This time, I felt your shoulders come out, then the rest of your body move down and out of my body. I screamed you out, each body part seeming to raise the octave of my voice. Daddy has maintained that I scared the crap out of him with those screams! He said he’s never heard a noise like that come out of me and he was worried something was wrong. He looked over at Bethany, who was in the bathroom doorway, and said she was very reassuring and was an emotional support to him in that moment. I was kind of looking down while you were being born and saw a lot fluid come out and splash on the floor. I heard Daddy say, “It’s a BOY!?” and Clarice was handing me my crying baby and helping me to sit on the toilet. It was 11:35am; ten minutes after we arrived! Daddy was able to watch you being born. When I looked at him, he was crying and smiling at me. I was in shock that you were here so quickly! The fluid ended up soaking all my clothes that were strewn on the floor. The postpartum doula washed and dried them for me later.

I couldn’t believe you were here. I couldn’t quite take in that we had another boy! It was a different feeling than when Elijah was born. My labor had been short enough that I had never reached “Labor Land” and didn’t have that dream-like blissed-out feeling that I had with Elijah. This was more like adrenaline/shock/been-on-a-roller-coaster-that-went-straight-down-for-a-mile-type feeling. I looked at Bethany with disbelief that all this had really happened. She had a huge smile on her face and said, “You did it!” Even though no pictures could be taken of your birth, Daddy took a video right after Clarice handed you to me. You continued to cry for a minute or so. It took a few minutes before I could stand up to move to the bed and Clarice and Daddy had to support me a bit. I think I said something along the lines of, “Never thought I’d have a baby on the toilet!” I was helped into bed, looked over at the tub, and said, “So much for that!” Clarice replied, “You still had a water birth, just all the water came out after the baby!”

Audra came in about ten minutes later, shocked that I was in bed with a baby already. She said she had left as soon as she had received the call from Clarice. Kendra, the newest midwife on staff, came a little while later. She was also shocked that she would be attending me postpartum instead of during labor. You latched right on and nursed for two hours. The placenta was born during this time (quite a bit smaller than Elijah’s had been). We tried waiting for you to be done nursing, but that wasn’t happening! Clarice finally gave the go ahead and Daddy cut the cord about 1.5 hours after your birth. Bethany did us the huge favor of starting the phone tree and calling our families to let them know you were here. Everyone was pretty surprised! Some of the women told me later that they received both messages at the same time when they checked their voicemail. The after-pains were kind of painful, enough so that I was very grateful for the Motrin I was given! I tore again (because you came so fast) and had to be sewn up. I almost decided not to, because of how much I remember it hurting before. After debating it and hearing my timeline for healing without stitches, I decided to get sewn up anyway. Clarice saw how nervous I was about it (and she’d experienced this same nervousness of mine with regards to blood draws) so she gave me a couple doses of a homeopathic to help relax me plus extra spray-on anesthetic plus extra lidocaine. Daddy held you and Bethany let me hold her hand. While Clarice and Kendra were getting things ready, Bethany offered to pray with me beforehand and I really appreciated that. Parts of it hurt, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as I remember Elijah’s being. There were even parts of it I carried on a bit of conversation. We picked out your hat and we all took guesses as to your weight. Bethany guessed 7lbs 10oz because that was her son’s size and she thought you seemed about the same. I guessed 7lbs 12oz, even though I was thinking more like 7.5lbs. Daddy guessed 8lbs. We could tell you were smaller than Elijah had been and he’d weighed 8lbs 4oz. Clarice guessed 7lbs even. You were 7lbs 2oz; over a pound less than big brother! The newborn exam was conducted while Bethany was out getting food to make my after labor meal-turkey wraps with pineapple and pretzels on the side. It’s amazing that no matter what you eat after having a baby, it’s always the most delicious food you’ve ever had! Throughout all this, you remained nameless. We got our placenta explanation (that was really cool!) and I had the midwives save it for Jaime to encapsulate. Bethany went home to her family after a few hours (and many congratulations!) and I took my herbal bath. We debated between our boy names. I very much like Thomas, which would be after my mother’s father, but you just didn’t look like a “Tommy”. As I looked at you over those hours, “Rowan” is what kept going through my head. Thomas and Rowan had been our top two. We went through the others and nothing else seemed to fit. We agreed that you looked like a Rowan and, at six hours old, you finally became Rowan Christopher. We then called my family to bring Elijah to meet you. I was a little nervous about how he’d react, but he did great. He wanted to play in the tub, then with the train table, but finally Daddy just plopped him on the bed to see “baby”. He was quite taken with you right away and gave you kisses and hugs after a little while. Even now, he loves lying next to you on the bed, petting your head, and wanting to hold your hand. He loves being able to nurse at the same time as you.

I’m so thankful to the GBC for the environment and care they provide. We personally knew all who attended your birth and you were born in the same room as your brother. I can’t imagine giving birth anywhere else. Our family has been born here…gently.